


Animal Cops

by CodeOne



Series: Hunterverse [2]
Category: Zootopia
Genre: buddy cop, short arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 10:44:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10740099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodeOne/pseuds/CodeOne
Summary: Short Arc (in proportionate terms, think TV episode versus movie) of the "Hunterverse" story begun in Hunter's Rules. Strong emphasis on comedy- very much in the buddy cop style.Takes place after "Hunter's Rules" and before "Hunter and Hunted" (to be posted soon)Judy, Nick, and Zacharias Hunter find themselves saddled with a group of camera-mammals for a day as part of ZPD's public relations program. Hijinks ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

"Mr. Mayor."

"Ah, Chief Bogo, please, have a seat." The raccoon mayor of Zootopia barely glanced up as the Chief of Police settled gingerly into a chair, which creaked ominously under his weight.

For a long moment, nothing was said. Finally, Bogo prompted Mayor Procyon. "You wanted to see me?"

Procyon looked up as if he had forgotten the chief was there. "Yes, of course! So, after the major successes your department has had recently, we were approached by the Zootopian Reality Network." The raccoon fished among the documents piling his desk and handed Chief Bogo a folder. "Here's the proposal."

The Chief took the paper suspiciously and read it. When he looked up, his face was very carefully neutral. "They want to film a reality show with our officers."

"Yes, a splendid idea, I thought! Show mammals in the city just what their tax dollars are paying for. Demonstrate the commitment and dedication that every public servant under my administration brings to their job." Procyon smiled as he leaned back to gauge the Chief's reaction.

Bogo said nothing, though in his mind he ran through the ways this could go wrong. He stopped when he got to twenty, and seventeen of them involved Hopps, Wilde, or Hunter. Well, as long as he wasn't asked to-

"In particular, I'd like a camera crew to ride with our heroes- all three the first of their species to work for ZPD, all three famous for their actions in protecting this fair city. Just think of what the voters- er, the citizens will think!"

Bogo stared at him. "Didn't you read the performance evaluation I gave Officer Hunter this past quarter?"

The raccoon frowned. "You gave- isn't that his supervisor's job?"

"I've been having difficulty finding a supervisor willing to take responsibility for him," said Bogo dryly. 

"Perhaps you could summarize it for me, then," said the raccoon impatiently.

"Summarize Hunter?" Bogo considered that. "Well, you've heard of his rules?"

The raccoon frowned. "Rules?"

"He has a bunch of rules he spouts off to impressionable young rookies. To summarize Hunter, I'd quote rule twenty.

"It not only can get worse, it probably already has by the time you get there."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hunter was annoyed. He glanced at his watch again, noting that he was supposed to be off duty in less than an hour.

Except right now, he was holding the perimeter on three burglars who had barricaded themselves in the business they had been caught breaking into. 

"You'll never take us alive, coppers!" shouted one from inside at the police mammals forming the perimeter.

"Who says we want to?" muttered Hunter. He noticed a bear, a sergeant, standing uncertainly next to a patrol car, the public address microphone held to his mouth. Hunter sidled over. As he passed his patrol car, he grabbed an empty glass bottle from off the ground.

"You are surrounded. Come out with your paws up and you will not be harmed," said the bear into the PA. Hunter nodded to him and he glanced at the human officer. 

"You ever done negotiating, sergeant?"

The bear glanced at the building again. "Well, not really."

"I've got some experience. Care if I try?"

The sergeant had little direct knowledge of Hunter, and so it was a natural mistake to make.

He handed Hunter the microphone.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"He gets the job done, though? I mean, I read about some of his cases," said Procyon.

"Yes, we tend to edit those reports a bit," replied Bogo carefully.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hunter addressed the sergeant. "First, you should try to personalize yourself to them a bit. You know, make a connection, establish a rapport. Let them see what kind of mammal you are." He raised the microphone to his mouth.

"Now listen up, you dumb sonsabitches!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"You're not saying that he breaks regulations?" asked Procyon, scandalized.

"Rule Eight," muttered Bogo.

"What?"

"Nothing. No, not breaks, generally. Bends, yes. And we've had to make several new regulations just to cover things he's done that we've never thought we needed to spell out before."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The burglars inside all looked out, stunned. "What did you call me?" shouted one.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" shouted Hunter. "I'm supposed to be off in an hour, dammit! Now are you going to come out, or are we going to do this the hard way?"

"Oh, tough talk, copper! Come on, what's the hard way?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"New regulations?" said the mayor, confused. "Like what?"

"Such as 'All prisoners must be transported only in the designated passenger areas of a patrol vehicle,'" quoted the chief.

"You're saying he transported someone in- where, the trunk?"

"Well, one was. The other was tied onto the roof of the patrol car."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Carefully, Hunter ripped off a section of an old undershirt he carried to give his boots a quick polish when needed. He stuffed the strip into the bottle, leaving a bit hanging out. Then, he lit the end of the cloth sticking out of the bottle with a lighter.

"Uh, Hunter," said the sergeant, who was watching this. "What are you-"

Once the cloth was lit, Hunter stepped out of cover. "Fire in the hole," he shouted. 

He tossed the flaming bottle through the window of an office adjacent to the ones the burglars were trapped in. The window shattered and sparks flew out.

All three burglars shouted in alarm.

Hunter glanced around, picked up another bottle. The sergeant stared at the building, his jaw open.

The second bottle proved not to be necessary. Pell mell, the burglars rushed out of the building. 

"Okay, okay, we give up, just keep that maniac away from us!" the ringleader shouted as multiple police mammals converged on him. A number of firefighters who had been standing by rushed towards the building.

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that," muttered Hunter. He glanced at his watch again. "Well, sarge, looks like we got them. Have a good one." He turned to walk off before he felt a massive paw fall on his shoulder. He turned to stare at the bear sergeant, who was staring at him in mixed horror and anger, jaw working. 

"Hunter," he growled.

The human sighed. 

Looks like he'd be working late after all.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hunter stood to attention in front of Bogo's desk, eyes fixed firmly on the wall above the seated water buffalo.

Bogo stared at Hunter. "Okay, let's hear it."

Hunter shrugged. "I don't see that I did anything wrong."

"You attempted to set a building on fire in order to apprehend three burglary suspects. I don't remember seeing molotov cocktails on the approved list of police gear."

"Set on fire?" Hunter looked innocent. "Of course not, chief. First of all, I didn't put an accelerant into the bottle. The fire- what little there was- pretty much went out on impact. Even if it had stayed lit, the offices in that building are all slick and modern- all tile and metal furniture. Been there a few times to do reports. Not much to burn, especially with firefighters and a sprinkler system. There wasn't any damage to speak of."

"Except for the broken window."

"Well, gosh, sir, if we can't break a single window or two to effect dynamic entry, our hands are pretty much tied."

"You threatened the suspects with arson, though."

"I never threatened them, not in so many words. Not only did I never say I'd set the building on fire, I think we've established that I didn't actually have any intent or reasonable belief that I'd set the building on fire." Hunter paused. "Sir."

Bogo glared at him. "What were you before you were a cop, a lawyer?"

"Oh, no, sir. I had a much nobler calling than that."

Despite himself, Bogo was curious. There was a lot of gossip around the station about what Hunter's true background was. "What?"

"I was a male stripper."

The chief gave him a flat look, then sighed. "Oh, I get it. I ask you what made you become a cop and you say 'I became a cop because I already had the uniform and could reuse the handcuffs.'"

"Well, I had to get the fuzzy bits off the handcuffs first, sir, wouldn't be professional otherwise-"

"Dismissed, Hunter."

When the human left, Bogo started writing. 

"Addendum to Departmental Standard Operating Procedures and Regulations," he muttered to himself. "The use of real or simulater incendiary devices is _strictly_ prohibited-"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"I'm not saying we can't be friends, Nick. It's just that- well, we've both got our careers to think about. So moving beyond that is just- it's not a good idea."

Nick stared out the window, avoiding her eyes. "Because of our careers? Come on, Carrots, there's plenty of cops who've had relationships within the department."

Judy shook her head. "And most of them end up badly, Nick. Not only are there the usual problems with workplace, er, relationships, but this is a dangerous job sometimes. If you're in trouble, and I'm responding, it could really affect my judgment-"

He looked at her then. "And it wouldn't already?"

She paused.

"You know, Carrots- Judy. You can't just turn off this sort of thing."

"No. But we can still make a decision not to go further, at least not yet."

Nick watched her for a moment, and finally he nodded. "Sure."

She twitched in surprise. "That was a fast decision."

"Well, you made a good case," said Nick. "Clearly, we need to slow this thing down a bit. So did you hear what Hunter did today?"

She kept casting suspicious glances at him the whole way back to the station as he talked about Hunter's latest escapade.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Nick walked into roll call the next day and immediately spotted Hunter, feet up on the table with his chair leaned back. He sat down next to the older officer. "Hey, Zach."

Hunter glanced at him and rolled his eyes. "Judy talked to you, did she?"

Nick stared. "How did you- is it that obvious?"

"Well, yeah, although she came to me asking for advice a couple of days ago."

The fox felt a welling of anger. "And what did you tell her? That cops shouldn't date?"

"I told her you were both adults and knew best what you could and couldn't handle," replied Hunter sanguinely. "I also told her that only an idiot gets in the middle of relationship-" his hand described a vague gesture in the air "- stuff."

After a moment, Nick nodded. "Okay, fair enough." He sighed. "We decided to sort of- take a break."

"Okay."

The fox glanced at him. "Not curious about that?'

"See above, regarding: getting involved in relationship stuff." He pointed at himself. "Not an idiot."

Bogo walked in, glared at Hunter. "Well, good to see the idiot could make it."

"Hey, chief, if it's stupid and it works it's not stupid."

The water buffalo sighed. "That would be your motto. What do you call it if it's stupid and doesn't work, Hunter?"

"A politician."

"Moving right along," said Bogo, wincing slightly. "I have a special announcement to make. The Zootopian Reality Network has three camera-mammals that will be riding along with some of you today, to document some real-life police work."

The assembled officers all looked at one another. "Are you sure that's a good idea, chief?" asked Delgato, cautiously.

"The mayor thinks it's a great idea," said the chief, dryly. "He says that the ZPD has nothing to hide."

Every officer looked at Hunter. "What?" asked Hunter, in annoyance.

"Yeah, but do we have _nobody_ to hide?" said one of the lions in the back, _sotto voce._

"The mayor has personally selected the three officers who will initially have the camera-mammals riding with them," continued the chief. He paused and shuffled some paperwork for a moment.

Finally, as if recognizing the inevitable could no longer be delayed, the chief snapped out. "Wilde, Hopps, and Hunter, you'll be riding with one camera-mammal each. Dismissed."

The chief turned and walked out as the animals in roll call all stared at one another. 

After a moment, Wolferd raised his paw with a bill clutched in it. "I've got five dollars that Hunter's camera-mammal doesn't last until lunch."

"Ten and you're on," said Delgato.

"Two to one he loses at least part of his tail," added a lion.

Hunter looked at Wilde and Hopps. Hopps was grimacing at the rampant lack of professionalism on display. Wilde looked like he was considering taking one of the bets.

He sighed and left. 

It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I started the prior work, it was intended to be sort of short, a quick focused piece on the inherent comedic element of a world-weary cop being placed with a bunch of adorable talking animals and expected to do real police work with them.
> 
> It turned into a bit more than that. I decided to run with a straight Buddy Cop premise, and Hunter's character grew on me. 
> 
> The good news is I got some solid writing practice out of all this, and I think the stories turned out pretty well. The bad news is that despite my best efforts and intentions, the stories began to revolve more around Hunter than the original cast (though they are still main characters and protagonists). I've thought about why this happened and I think it's because, probably because I've never really written fanfiction before, I have a hard time delving into their characters beyond what was shown in the movie (or can be inferred from the movie). I don't feel ownership of them, so bringing in plot points from their past feels wrong. Character development is happening, but all based on what happens in my stories, not retroactively if that makes sense (for example, I haven't gone into their pasts, such as Nick's prior life). 
> 
> I think- I hope- the stories are still interesting and (most importantly, because this is comedic writing) funny. But I fear it is not "normal" fanfiction writing. Nevertheless, I do intend to keep developing the characters as I go, and development that happens in and as a result of my plot-lines feels like ownership, so hopefully they'll grow to the point that Hunter isn't stealing the show as much. Though I try to give Judy and Nick as much "screen-time" as well as make them push the plot forward. This story arc actually works well with that, a bit less so in the next.
> 
> Oh, and I also (starting in the next story) start developing them into a Five Man Band (see TV Tropes if you haven't heard the term). It seemed appropriate, somehow.


	2. Chapter 2

Hunter looked his "partner" over. "Okay, so no offense, but I don't recognize your species," he said slowly.

The mammal gestured at a sticker on his chest. The cop read it.

"Hello, I am a capybara." Hunter nodded. "Hey, I used to have a sticker just like that." 

"Oh?" replied the capybara, somewhat nervously under the veteran's cop gimlet gaze. "Except I guess it said 'human' instead of 'capybara', huh?"

"No." Hunter turned and walked away. "So what's your momma call you?"

"I, uh, what?" The camera-mammal hurried to catch up, his short legs pumping to keep up with the much larger human.

"Your name, what's your name?"

"Oh, it's Carlos, Carlos de los Aguaporcos."

"Mom was pretty formal, huh? Okay, Carlos. You can call me Hunter." The cop opened the passenger door. "You won't need to, though, because you're going to shut up, sit down, and remain that way for the entire shift."

"I'm actually here to get your perspective on modern policing in Zootopia-"

"That's funny, because I'm actually here to, you know, do modern policing in Zootopia. Which of those two jobs sounds more important, do you think?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Judy smiled brightly at the camera-mammal she had been assigned. "Hi, glad to meet you. I'm Judy."

"I've heard so much about you," gushed the pig as she held out a paw. "Wendy Willow, ZRN. This is going to be so exciting!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Nick stopped walking as he saw the vixen approach. Lithe, moving with a sensual, predatory grace, she smiled at him. "Well, well, Officer Wilde, you're even more handsome in person. Especially in uniform," she purred.

His instincts kicked in, and he smiled back, just enough to show the tips of his teeth. "You must be my new 'partner'," he said smoothly. "Looks like I got lucky."

"Maybe not just yet," she said. "But the day has just started. Claudia de Ville," she added, holding out a paw.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

0815 Hrs: Just outside ZPD Headquarters

_Officer Zacharia Hunter. Something of a legend in his own department, it seems he's good enough to keep up with Zootopia's two top cops, the famous Hopps and Wilde duo. Now is our chance to see what really makes him tick, what separates this cop from the pack._

Carlos looked up from the notes he was making for the later voiceover, and sighed.

Hunter sipped his coffee and flipped to the next page of the newspaper he was reading.

Carlos sighed again, this time with intent.

The cop lowered his newspaper slightly. "What? Did you spring a leak or something?"

"Shouldn't you be out, I dunno, patrolling?"

"No calls holding," said Hunter, raising his paper again. "And I need my coffee to operate at top efficiency."

"So you're saying you'll get going a bit later in the day, then? Once you've had your coffee?"

"Nah, this is just to maintain. I'm pretty much operating on all cylinders right now." Hunter put down his coffee, turned the page again. 

Carlos drummed his fingers. "Look," he said, an edge in his voice. "How do you think Chief Bogo will feel if I go to him and say the only thing you did all day on camera was sip coffee and read the newspaper?"

The human pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. "How would he feel?" He took another sip of coffee contemplatively. "Compared to what he's probably fearing I'll do? Ecstatic, I expect."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0837 Hrs: On patrol in Savannah Square

"So the unique challenges Zootopia faces are also our greatest strengths," said Hopps, her voice enthusiastic. "In fact, that's one thing even the humans, with their far more advanced science and technology, acknowledge- that our ability to blend so many different species and still remain so peaceful is far beyond their current capabilities."

Willow's eyes looked a bit glazed. "Well, that's fascinating," she said, holding back a yawn. "And thank you for that, er, very detailed, very long response to my question. But our viewers are actually a bit more interested in, well, some personal details about you as well."

Hopps's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Like the challenges I faced in becoming the first bunny officer on the department?"

"Yes, sure, you bet, but you know, I was just wondering," said Willow, leaning forward and focusing on Hopps's face. "What exactly is the deal between you and Officer Wilde, anyway?"

"What?"  
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0845 Hrs: Corner of 34th and South Main

"Officer Hopps and I are just colleagues," said Wilde smoothly. "Just friends who have been through a lot together."

"Oh, good," said de Ville. "I mean, that you two are still such good- friends."

Nick nodded, adjusting his shades slightly. "Well, you know, this job can be a bit dangerous, so there's definitely some bonding that goes on. But we have to keep it professional."

"So the job is a bit dangerous?" asked de Ville, widening her eyes slightly. "How do you cope with that?"

"Well, sure, it's a bit frightening sometimes. All these different species, crammed together- all it takes is a small percentage to be bad guys for things to get a bit hairy," said Nick with a casual air. "And that's where we come in. It's a jungle out there, sometimes, and when it gets right down to it, well, we know the law of the jungle." He took off his sunglasses and looked de Ville in the eyes. The vixen seemed entranced.

He narrowed his eyes in a way he had seen Hunter do. "Kill," he put his shades back on and turned to look out the front windshield, "or be killed."

The radio activated. "Unit Thirty four Delta, come in."

He glanced at de Ville with a knowing look as he picked up the radio. "Looks like it's time to get a bit- dangerous."

"Thirty four Delta, go ahead."

"Theft call. Mrs. Delaney says someone stole her pink flamingo. Says she thinks it's the kids across the street again. Need you for the call."

Nick sighed as he saw de Ville hide a grin with her paw. "You're killing me here, Clawhauser."

Back at the dispatch desk, Clawhauser frowned at the radio. "What did I do?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0855 Hrs: Theft Investigation, 6728 Herd Canyon Lane

Hunter had decided to go by with Wilde on his call, as it sounded like something boring enough that he could avoid being on TV. As he pulled up, the capybara next to him looking frustrated, he spotted Mrs. Delaney- a near-sighted squirrel- talking to Wilde.

"And I looked outside, and it was gone! It had to be those kids on the street, they're always up to no good. Well, you'd know about that, being a fox and all."

Hunter greeted Mrs. Delaney cheerfully. "Ah, Mrs. Delaney! Casually specist as always. You're looking very nice today!"

The squirrel beamed at him. "Officer Hunter, what a lovely surprise! There ought to be more capybaras on the force if they're all as polite and well-mannered as you."

Carlos frowned. "Capybara?"

"Long story," Hunter told him. "So, any progress in the case of the missing lawn ornament, Wilde?"

The fox glanced at his companion, and Hunter took a second to look her over. A fox- a female fox: she was wearing a tight, short skirt and a white blouse. About Wilde's age. And the look she was giving Wilde-

"Mrs. Delaney says it was probably the kids that she's always having problems with," said Wilde in crisp tones. Hunter looked at him in surprise at his oddly professional attitude. "So I thought we'd start our investigation there."

"Our what?" 

"Our investigation. You know, interview the possible suspects."

"It's a freaking pink flamingo, Wilde. She probably paid a dollar for it at a local market and will definitely forget she owned it by tomorrow." 

"It's a theft, Hunter." The fox avoided his eyes but sounded stubborn. "So let's go talk to our suspects, shall we?"

Hunter cocked his head, looked from Wilde to the camera-fox accompanying him, then sighed. "Okay, so which kids is she talking about? Last I checked nearly everyone on this street had children."

The fox looked at him quizzically. "The goat family, of course. How many other families do you think have kids?"

"The goat- oh, right." Hunter shook his head. "You mean literal kids."

De Ville leaned towards Wilde. "What does he mean, 'literal kids?' There are metaphorical ones?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hang on a sec. You're telling me you want to interview me about my personal relationships? What about the important work we're doing here in the city?" Judy was growing increasingly irritated, but the pig didn't seem to notice.

"Well, you and Officer Wilde would be one of the very few predator-prey relationships seen, especially with your profile, and you have to admit he is very handsome for a fox-"

"Oh, come on! You're telling me your viewers will be more interested in the minute details of my, and I can't stress this term enough, _personal_ life than in the critical role the police have in the safety of this city?"

Wendy Willow stared at her, surprised. "Have you even seen a reality show before?" She leaned forward. "So come on, honey, spill. Have you two ever, you know-"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0906 Hrs, Theft Investigation, 6743 Herd Canyon Lane

Hunter and Wilde approached the house, the two camera-mammals hanging back and filming them. "Okay, so how should we do this?" muttered Wilde.

"I'm still trying to figure out _why_ we're doing this, Nick."

"I mean, you think 'good cop/bad cop' would work? They're young, they're not too smart."

"Yeah, and speaking of not too smart, what the hell do you think you're doing making eyes at that vixen?"

Wilde had just been about to knock at the door. He gave a quick glance at de Ville, who gave him a smile and a thumbs-up. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right. Aren't you and Judy sort of a thing?"

"No, remember, I told you we were putting that on hold."

"Oh, boy," muttered Hunter. "Yeah, I agree. Young does tend to equal not too smart."

Wilde blinked at him. "Look, let's focus on what we're doing here." 

"Sure, fine, let me handle it."

"Uh, actually, I'm the primary officer on this call, so I should- what?"

Hunter was staring at him. "Oh, good grief. You're trying to impress her, aren't you?"

"Who, Claudia? Don't be ridiculous," huffed the fox.

Claudia, noted Hunter. "With a stolen flamingo case."

"Knocking at the door now."

"Hey, maybe one of the perps will flee on his tricycle and we can have a vehicle pursuit."

Wilde knocked at the door.

"This could be big, Wilde. I mean, what if it's not just pink flamingoes? What if it's an entire gang stealing all manner of lawn accessories? This could be just the tip of the iceberg."

Wilde glared at him. "Just shut the hell up, Hunter, and let me do my job!"

Hunter looked at him, looked at the door that had opened just as Wilde turned to face Hunter. 

A very nervous-looking kid- probably eight years old at the most- stared wide-eyed at the uniformed fox.

Hunter looked at Wilde. "Well, I guess that makes me the good cop."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Three kids- young goats- stared anxiously at Wilde and Hunter as they stood in the living room, their mother tapping her foot and frowning equally between the police officers and the supposed suspects.

"So you're saying you didn't take the flamingo?" asked Wilde.

"Better answer him, kids, I can't control him when he's hot on a scent like this," warned Hunter. "He's a wild man, a loose cannon. But by gosh, he gets the job done."

Both Wilde and the mother of the kids glared at him.

"Look, we've sometimes played pranks on Mrs. Delaney before," said Billy, the oldest, whose name had not surprised Hunter in the least.

"But we stopped because momma explained that she's a bitter old mammal who finds her only joy and amusement in whatever strife she can stir up between her neighbors," finished Hamish, whose name had.

Their mother laughed nervously. "Why, I wouldn't- that wasn't exactly what- kids, you know, they say the strangest-"

"No, no, that pretty much sums up Mrs. Delaney to a tee," said Hunter. He paused. "Though I would have gone with codger instead of mammal, to be honest."

"Well, if you didn't take the flamingo, who did?" Wilde asked.

The three kids exchanged looks. "Well, there was this strange mammal- a deer, a male deer, who came by in a pick-up last night. I saw him through the window," said Hamish. "The headlights woke me up. He stopped in front of Mrs. Delaney's yard, got out, and then left not long after."

Hunter and Wilde exchanged looks. "Well, I guess that's all the questions we have," said Hunter. 

Followed by the camera-mammals, they trooped outside.

"You believe them?" asked Hunter.

"Yeah, actually. Did you?"

"Yeah."

"So our suspect is a buck with a truck," mused Wilde.

Hunter looked at him. "Think maybe he's down on his luck?"

"Hunter-"

"Maybe he rides with a duck?"

"Look, let's just ask around and see if anyone has seen-"

"I think our investigation is done, Wilde. If you want to ask around to see if anyone has seen a suspicious buck with a truck, you can do it on your own, because quite frankly I don't give a flying fu-"

"Hunter! Cameras!"

The human cop looked over at the camera-vixen, who was avidly filming. "Right. Well, I'll let you get back to your 'important' investigation, fox who thinks with his coc-"

"Cameras!" As Hunter rolled his eyes and walked away, Wilde yelled after him, "And that's a pretty imperfect rhyme anyway!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun with word-play in this story.


	3. Chapter 3

0938 Hrs, On patrol

"So you don't think Wilde is on to something?" asked Carlos as they drove away.

Hunter looked at him incredulously. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Well, isn't it weird that an adult mammal would steal a lawn ornament in the middle of the night?"

"I'm pretty sure it's weird for anyone to steal a lawn ornament, Carlos, regardless of the time of day. But just because something is weird doesn't mean it's worth wasting time on." Hunter shook his head. "This is a city. It's full of all kinds of mammals, any number of whom are, at some point or another, kinda weird. Hell, even your friends may act pretty strangely if you don't know the context of what's going on."

His cell phone rang. "Hunter," he answered.

"I don't know how much longer I can deal with this camera-pig, Zach. She's going to get me indicted."

"Judy? What are you talking about- is she trying to get you involved in something illegal?"

"No, I'm going to kill her, then they're going to indict me."

"Not getting along too well, are you?"

"Oh, darn it, she's coming back. Look, do you think the relationship between Nick and me is more important than the survival of Zootopia?"

Hunter looked at the phone suspiciously. "What are you talking about, Judy?"

"Wait, wait, never mind, don't tell anyone anything- good-bye!"

The call disconnected.

Hunter slowly returned the phone to his pocket. "See, for example, if I wasn't okay with a little weirdness now and again that conversation would really bother me."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0945 Hrs, On Patrol, Business District

"At least tell me if you think he's good-looking or not," wheedled Willow. 

Judy gritted her teeth and kept driving.

"I mean, with that beautiful tail and all-"

The radio activated and Judy snatched the mike. "Unit Twenty-seven Charlie, go ahead."

"Uh, wow, that was quick- we have a burglary report at a residence, ten twenty two Foxden Road."

"On the way."

"And that smile," continued Willow. "You can just tell he needs a girlfriend to watch him, because he's been such a bad boy-"

"Concentrating on driving, can't talk now," said Judy hurriedly.

"Oh, that's okay, I'll just-"

"You need to be quiet, too. Don't want a horrible accident to happen to anyone."

"Yes, I suppose a car accident would be a bad thing."

"Yeah, that too."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

0948 Hrs, 1022 Foxden Road

"So that's everything that's missing, right?" asked Judy. "Anything else you notice?"

The homeowner who had been burgled, a panda, nodded. "I think so. Though I'm not certain- this is so frightening! A stranger, in my house. I came home early from work and I could have walked right in on him!"

"I know, ma'am," said Judy comfortingly. "We'll do what we can to catch this mammal."

"You just can't have nice things anymore," said the panda mournfully. "You work so hard and someone just comes along and takes it all away. Do you know, this is the second time I've had a theft this week?"

"What was taken last time?" Judy asked.

"Oh, it was the silliest thing- a lawn ornament, a little ceramic owl. Why on earth would anyone steal such a thing?"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1015 Hrs, 7505 Shepherd Walk Street

Carlos frowned as they pulled into the large parking lot, which was situated behind an abandoned building. "Why are we stopping here?"

He looked around, noting how the location they were at prevented anyone from seeing them easily from the street, with the abandoned structure blocking sight-lines. "Wait, is this a stakeout?"

"Sure," said Hunter, settling into his seat and putting it back as far as it would go. "I'm going to keep a close watch on the inside of my eyelids for any signs of suspicious activity."

"You're going to take a nap?"

"Yes, assuming someone will quit chattering into my ear."

Carlos just looked at him, aghast. "How on earth do you have the reputation you have while being this lazy?"

"Bad luck, mostly."

The two settled into an uneasy silence- well, uneasy on Carlos's end. Hunter tilted his head back, cap covering his eyes, and was, to all appearances, fast asleep in seconds.

Until his cell phone rang.

He pulled it out of his pocket with a sigh. "Work, work, work, never any let-up around here." He answered. "Yeah?"

"It's Nick. So I went around and asked a bunch of other mammals in the neighborhood about the suspect."

Hunter covered his eyes with one hand. "I've done less work on an attempted murder investigation, Nick."

"Yeah, but listen- not only did I find -" he heard papers rustling, probably as Nick flipped through his notebook "-ten other mammals that saw the buck with the pick-up, but five other residents reported various lawn ornaments missing!"

"What."

"Someone's up to something, Hunter. This could be important. I've got a description of the truck, too- a white Ram, partial plate WYK-"

Hunter interrupted him. "I'm having serious trouble reconciling 'stolen lawn ornaments' and 'important', Nick."

"Look, I'm having lunch with Judy and I'm going to talk to her about it. You want to meet us at the Golden Dragon at eleven?"

"Well, I was planning on maybe- wait a minute. You've still got that vixen with you, the camera-fox? She's going to go to lunch with you and Judy too?"

"Who, Claudia? Yeah, why?"

"Sure, Golden Dragon at eleven. See ya then." Hunter hung up.

"So what's going on?" Carlos asked curiously.

"Make sure you bring your camera to lunch," said Hunter. "Things might get exciting."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1102 Hrs, Golden Dragon Restaurant

Judy stared at her friend. "So you spent all morning investigating stolen lawn ornaments?"

The fox nodded. "I think I'm on to something here." His "partner" for the day was still outside. Judy was curious to see who was riding with Nick.

Wendy Willow was sitting one table away, having muttered something about "leaving you two alone." Judy had ignored it and thankfully Nick appeared not to notice.

"Yeah, I agree," said Hunter as he walked up to the table, his capybara shadow in tow. "I think he's on something as well."

"On _to_ something, Zach."

"What's sad is he may be right," said Judy with a sigh. "Though for the life of me I can't figure out what."

"What do you mean?" asked Hunter, surprised.

"I just attended a burglary at a residence in that same area. A short time ago, my victim had a lawn ornament stolen from her front lawn."

Hunter frowned. "Coincidence."

"Maybe. But it is kinda weird." Suddenly, she froze.

Both Nick and Hunter followed her gaze to the vixen who had walked up to their table.

Claudia de Ville gave them all a stunning smile and slipped into the booth next to Nick. "Well, it's so good to meet the rest of you! Just pretend I'm not here."

Nick looked at her and smile. "Claudia has been a great help today. She has a knack for getting mammals to talk."

Judy's eyes darted from one to another, her face expressionless. "Claudia?" she asked coldly.

Hunter leaned back. "Do you think this place sells popcorn?" he whispered to Carlos.

Nick seemed oblivious to the sudden tension. "We make a pretty good team," he said. "It's surprising how some people open up when they realize they're being filmed."

The vixen laughed. "Oh, you're just flattering me. Nick did all the work- very clever, very charming, this fox," she said, patting his paw and inching slightly closer.

"It's 'Nick,' is it?," murmured Judy.

Hunter held up a hand below the table where only Carlos could see it. Slowly, he counted down with his fingers- five, four, three, two, one-

Judy stood up. "Oh, hey, look at the time. I should get back to the station and, uh, work on that report."

Nick looked at her, innocent confusion all over his face. Hunter suddenly frowned at his expression. "But we haven't eaten yet."

"I'm, uh," Judy paused, glanced at Claudia. "I'm not hungry."

Hunter was now watching Nick with a growing look of suspicion on his face.

"See you guys later," said Judy. She rushed out.

Behind her, Willow grinned widely and followed.

"I wonder what that was all about?" mused Nick. He froze as he caught Hunter looking at him.

"We need to have a quick word, fox."

"Uh-"

"Oh, hey, looks like there's something on your vest," said Claudia. She took out a handkerchief and started rubbing the front of Nick's uniform. Nick glanced nervously at Hunter, who pointed at the door.

"Now."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The two of them stood outside the restaurant. Hunter looked down at his friend. "You're not that stupid, Nick."

"Is that your way of trying to give me a compliment, Zach? Because I gotta say, it could use a little work."

"Oh, I could believe you wouldn't realize that bringing the girl you're flirting with to lunch was an unintentional mistake," continued Hunter, ignoring him. "But not realizing how upset Judy was after those first couple of seconds? You're playing a game, huh?"

"Didn't someone tell me that getting in the middle of relationship stuff makes you an idiot?"

Hunter squinted at him. "Not as much as trying to hurt someone just to prove a point."

"She made it very clear that she didn't want a relationship with me!" said Nick, suddenly angry.

"And what the hell do you think you just made 'very clear' to her, Nick?"

Nick froze. His ears went flat against his head.

"Hell," continued Hunter, "I'm not saying it wouldn't work- the whole 'make her jealous' thing. But you two shouldn't be together- if that's what you want- because you can't stand to see the other with someone else. You two should be together because neither one of you can stand being with someone else." He sighed. "Anything else is death for a relationship- trust me, I know."

There was a long silence as Nick thought about this. "I screwed up."

"Hey, he can learn after all. I owe Bogo five bucks."

Nick sighed. "You know, only a fox can be so sly and so dumb at the same time."

"Stupid like a fox, eh?" Hunter patted him on the shoulder. "Well, there's always time to apologize. Let's go eat."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1115 Hrs, Business District

Judy drove.

Her thoughts were a turmoil. She hadn't meant to make Nick think there was no possibility of a relationship. She just didn't want to deal with it right now. She was still learning the job, still trying to decide where she wanted to go in the department, in her career, in her life. Nick was- a confusing factor.

Like now. So he was acting all googly-eyed with a vixen. So what? She didn't own him, she didn't have any real hold on him. It shouldn't bother her.

But it did.

Though, that wasn't the only thing that was bothering her.

"So Claudia was pretty friendly with Officer Wilde, huh?" said Willow cheerfully. "It's a good thing there's nothing between you two."

Judy gritted her teeth.

"Oh, I know what's going on, though. It's okay to be jealous, sweetie. But a fox like that- well, he's going to have a bit of a wandering eye."

Judy slammed on the brakes and the pig flew forward with a surprised snort, only her seat-belt keeping her from hitting the dashboard.

"What-"

"Out," ordered Judy.

"But-"

"Out!"

A moment later, a very confused pig stared after the patrol car as it screamed down the street.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1122 Hrs, ZPD Headquarters

Bogo answered his phone. "Chief of Police."

"This is an outrage!"

Bogo sighed. "What did Hunter do now?"

"Who? No, this is Wendy Willow, from ZRN- I was just abandoned on the street corner by one of your officers."

"Yes, that would be Hunter. He's the human one."

"No, it was not Officer Hunter, Chief Bogo."

Bogo blinked. "It wasn't? So it was Wilde? That's really not like him."

"No, will you stop talking and listen? It was Hopps!"

There was a long silence.

"Officer Hopps."

"Yes, that's what I-"

"Officer _Judy_ Hopps."

"You can't possibly be this dense."

Bogo leaned back and rubbed his forehead. "Just one quick question, Ms. Willow."

"Yes?"

"What on earth did you say to that bunny?"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1204 Hrs, Business District

Nick had decided that he needed to find Judy and apologize, but in the meantime he had something else to apologize to.

They had just finished a very quiet lunch and he and Claudia were getting back into the patrol car. When she sat down he took a deep breath. "There's something I need to talk to you about, Claudia."

"Oh?"

"Well, we've been getting along pretty well, and the thing is, I may have gotten a bit overenthusiastic at times..."

"What are you saying, Nick?" she asked curiously.

"Look, I'm sorry if I was leading you on at all. I'm afraid I'm not really interested in a relationship right now. There's- well, there's someone else important to me and-" he finally looked over at her.

Straight into her camera. She looked up when she saw his look of shock. "Oh, go on, this is great stuff."

"What- what are you-"

She stared at him. "For the show? The audience eats up this dramatic romance stuff." She paused. "Oh, dear, you didn't really think that it was anything more than a game?"

"Well, it kinda was," began Nick, before he scanned ahead and saw where he was going with that sentence. "I mean, so you weren't at all interested...?"

"Oh, honey. No." She reached into her purse and pulled out a small pouch. "I suppose I can put this back on, now," she said, putting on a wedding ring.

Nick's eyes bugged out. "You're married?" he yelped.

"Oh, don't worry, he understands these things," said Claudia with an airy wave of her hand. "At least, I think he would if he ever found out about it."

Nick considered this. He suddenly patted his pockets. "Oh, gosh, I must have left my notebook on the table inside the restaurant- could you run inside and get it, please? I need to check in with dispatch."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1212 Hrs, ZPD Headquarters

Bogo's phone rang again.

"Chief of Police."

"One of your officers abandoned me at a restaurant!" shouted a female voice.

Bogo nodded. "Ah, there we go. How long ago did Hunter leave?"

"Hunter? He wasn't the one who abandoned me, it was Officer Wilde!"

"Really? I mean, if you mammals are this annoying, how on earth has Hunter put up with you for so long- unless," said Bogo, in sudden realization. "But even he-" he stopped as he further realized what happened every time he decided that something was too far for Hunter.

"What do you mean, annoying?" said the infuriated voice.

Bogo was already buzzing Clawhauser on the intercom. "Clawhauser!"

"Sir?"

"Get Hunter on the radio. Verify that his passenger is a) still with him and b) alive." He thought for a second.

"And c) not trapped in the trunk of the patrol car."

"Uh, sir, are you forgetting-"

"Right. And d) not tied onto the roof of the patrol car."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1214 Hrs, 7201 Shepherd Walk St

"Clawhauser to Hunter."

Hunter picked up the radio. "Hunter, go ahead."

"Can we speak to your passenger, please?"

Hunter glanced over towards the door of the convenience store where he had stopped to let Carlos use the restroom. "He's a bit tied up right now."

"Oh, no, the chief was right," he heard Clawhauser mutter.

"What?" Hunter spotted Carlos coming through the door. "Hang on a sec, I see him. It's for you," he said, handing the mike to Carlos.

The capybara looked at it curiously before keying the mike. "Um, this is Carlos."

"Carlos! You're alive!"

The capybara looked at Hunter, who shrugged. "Um, yes. Any reason I shouldn't be?"

"You're not tied up or stuck in a trunk or anything, are you?"

"Um, no."

"Oh, good." 

There was a pause. 

"Well," said Clawhauser cheerily. "Have a nice day!"

Carlos replaced the microphone as he slowly sat back down. "What was that all about?"

"Oh, they probably were worried that you'd been annoying me," said Hunter. 

Carlos laughed nervously. "And they thought you might have locked me in the trunk or tied me up?"

Hunter eyed him. "Or killed you."

Carlos chuckled. "Right, but I'm sure they were only joking..." his voice trailed off as he caught Hunter's eye.

The cop put the car into drive. "Yeah, sure," he said in a neutral tone. "Joking."

The capybara sat very quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be noted that Hunter's opinions and romantic advice are not necessarily my own, nor necessarily to be trusted. Though he has a lot of experience in many things, he's not always real good at the interpersonal stuff.
> 
> Not saying he's wrong, either, just that he's a character, not someone intended to be oracular or always right.


	4. Chapter 4

1245 Hrs, 7505 Shepherd Walk St

Judy spotted Hunter's patrol car- sitting in his accustomed spot behind the abandoned strip center- and, almost on a whim, turned into the lot.

She saw him tip his cap up as she approached and pulled her car next to his, the driver's side windows adjacent. "Hey, Zach."

"Judy," he said, somewhat sleepily. "What's up?"

"I need to talk to you for a second."

He frowned as he looked past her into her passenger seat. "Hey, didn't you have a ridealong?"

"Need to talk, please?"

After a moment, Hunter sighed and nodded. "All right." He looked at his passenger. "Scram for a minute." 

"Uh, you're not going to leave me here, are you, because I got a few text messages and it seems like ZPD has been abandoning us all over the city today."

Hunter looked at him, then at Judy.

She winced and avoided his gaze.

"Take a walk, Carlos." He looked back at the capybara. "Now."

The capybara flinched. "Okay." Judy heard the door slam as the capybara got out of the patrol car.

"It's about Nick and that- that vixen," said Judy.

The older cop grimaced. "I was afraid of that."

"Look, it's just that- I told him that we should take it easy, that we should maybe wait a bit because of our careers and everything. And now she and he are, well, I mean-"

Hunter nodded. "Okay, first of all, you shouldn't make a decision about a relationship based off of jealousy. That way leads to arguments, fights, and Internal Affairs involvement." He paused. "And most frightening of all, paperwork."

"I'm not jealous," protested Judy.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh?"

She thought about it. "Okay, maybe a little jealous," she conceded. "But mostly- I mean, did I make the right decision?"

"Hoo-boy," muttered Hunter. "Short answer is, hell if I know."

She gave him a flat look. "And the long answer?"

The older cop considered her for a moment. "Okay, why did you want to slow down things?" He held up a hand when she started to answer. "Think about it, now. What were the real reasons- or was it just one, when you get down to it?"

For a long moment, she sat silent, thinking. "First, I'm worried about my career."

"Okay, we'll start with that. What about it?"

"Well, if things don't work out, it can cause problems."

"Sure. What else?"

"If things do work out, then I'll be worried about him and that can affect our judgment."

Hunter nodded. "I'll bet Nick saw the problem with that one, huh?"

She smiled ruefully. "My judgment's already affected. Not being in a definite relationship doesn't change that much."

"Right. And we'll shelve the 'if it doesn't work out' thing for now. Any other worries or concerns?"

"Well," said Judy, hesitantly. "I just had a lot of changes in my life recently, and this is such a big one- I'm just wondering if I'm making a mistake, if this is something I'll look back on and regret."

The human nodded again. "Too much, too soon?"

"I guess."

"How long will be long enough?"

"Uh." Judy blinked. "I don't know."

"Huh." Hunter settled back into his seat. "Well, you're putting off making a decision. That's not a good thing, but it's not a bad thing either. The question is, are you putting it off because you need more information, or because you're afraid to make it?"

She sat quietly as she thought about it. "I'm not even sure what information I need," she confessed.

Hunter sighed. "I'm not going to ask if you love him, because that's basically the decision you're trying to make. Instead, you need to ask yourself two questions."

"Which are?"

"Do you know him? And by that, I mean his strengths, his weaknesses, his dreams, his hopes, his fears, the things that make Nick, well, Nick." He held up a finger. "That's the first question you need to ask yourself."

"And the second?" Judy asked, quietly.

"That's the one folks making this sort of decision don't usually think about, because they take it for granted. Do you know yourself? Because even if you know him, if you don't know yourself, what your strengths, weaknesses, hopes, fears, and so on, how are you going to know if you two will work together if you don't know your own?"

Judy considered all that. "That's a heck of a lot to think about."

"Well, the good news is you don't have to know all this perfectly," said Hunter. "But you do need a pretty good idea. And remember things still might not work out."

"Okay," said Judy. "And what if they don't?"

"That's part of it, and maybe the most important part. How will you react if things don't work out? How will he react?" Hunter shrugged. "You two are both adults and so far have been pretty good at acting like it. So that's something to take into account."

He looked at his watch. "And now I've been completely serious for about ten minutes. That can't go on." He waved to Carlos. "You can come back now!"

The capybara trotted over. "You know, you really can't treat me like this. I have connections." He didn't notice how Hunter's eyes narrowed. "So are we going somewhere?" He frowned as he tried to open the passenger door and found it locked.

"You bet," said Hunter. He reached over and popped the trunk. "Hop in."

Judy sighed. "I think I should be elsewhere for this."

"Yeah, plausible deniability is a good thing," said Hunter. He looked at Carlos, gestured towards the back of the patrol car as Judy pulled away. "You coming or not?"

The capybara looked at him, looked at the trunk. "You're joking, right?"

Hunter leaned towards him. "Yep, so just play along with me. Just wait until you get to the punchline, it'll be worth it."

A moment later, the capybara was laying in the trunk, staring out at Hunter. "Okay, so what's the punchline?"

The trunk lid slammed shut.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1300 Hrs, 6700 Herd Canyon Lane

Nick drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

His patrol car was parked not far from Mrs. Delaney's house, hidden behind some bushes at an abandoned residence. He was watching for a white truck.

Not so he could try to impress the vixen, anymore, of course. Now it was something to do that wasn't trying to find Judy and first, explain that he had been a jerk and second, apologize for being a jerk.

He fully intended to do it. It was just that he might as well try and catch the mysterious lawn ornament thief first. That was reasonable.

If he said it enough times, he could almost believe- no, no, that was a lie.

With a sigh, he picked up the radio. "Thirty four delta to twenty seven charlie."

There was a short pause, then a wary voice. "Go ahead, thirty four delta."

He winced at the tone of Judy's voice. "Do you think you can meet up with me, please?"

A much longer pause. "Are you sure?" responded Judy, a bit of an edge in her voice. "I won't be interrupting anything?"

Nick sighed. "Yes, I'm sure. Please?"

"Fine, I'm on my way."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1310 Hrs, 8900 Glendale Forest Blvd

Hunter stopped the car and got out, muttering to himself. He walked around to the trunk, which was emitting a rhythmic series of thumps. He popped open the trunk. "Will you stop doing that?" he said to Carlos. "You're even more annoying in the trunk than you were in the passenger seat."

The capybara looked at him hopefully. "So you'll let me out?" 

Hunter shrugged. "Or cuff and gag you."

"Wait! Look, let me out, please! It smells like old gym socks in here!"

"Well, yeah, I keep my gym bag in there."

Two passersby saw Hunter and then saw that he was talking to someone in the trunk of his car. Their eyes widened. Hunter looked up at them.

"Unpaid parking ticket," he said, gesturing to the capybara.

They exchanged nervous glances and hurried on. Hunter turned his attention back to Carlos. "So are you going to be quiet, or is it cuffs and a gag? I'll warn you, the only thing I have to gag you with is the aforementioned gym socks."

"Hang on, hang on, I thought of something on the case you're working!" shouted Carlos desperately.

Hunter frowned. "What case?"

"The lawn ornaments."

"The lawn- what is it with you mammals? They're freaking lawn ornaments!"

"Look, I worked on a show out here, one of those house-flipping type things, and all those houses where lawn ornaments were missing? They all have the same HOA."

"Homeowner's association? So?"

"Well, you know how HOA's have rules that they enforce?"

Hunter looked at him for a minute. "Okay, that's actually fairly smart. But it's still pretty small potatoes."

"But what if the burglaries are connected, somehow?"

"How would the burglaries be- oh, wait a minute," said Hunter. He fell silent, thinking.

"Maybe you could make some calls and see if there were other burglaries where lawn ornaments went missing?" suggested Carlos.

Hunter nodded. "Okay, fine. You earned your way out of the trunk."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1323 Hrs, 6700 Herd Canyon Lane

Judy pulled up next to Nick. She frowned as she looked into his patrol car. "Where's your ridealong?"

Nick looked past her to the passenger seat. "Where's yours?"

"Um." She looked slightly guilty. "What's that phrase Hunter likes to use? Plausible-"

"Deniability. Got it." They smiled at one another, though the smiles slipped as their eyes met. They both looked away.

"So," began Nick, taking a deep breath. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"About what?" asked Judy, her voice neutral.

"Well, I may have- I did do something stupid, and I just wanted to say that holy crap that's him, that's the buck with the truck."

Judy blinked. "What?"

Nick was already putting the patrol car into drive. "That's the white truck, Ram with partial plate WYK! Driven by a male deer!"

"The lawn ornament thief?" said Judy, but Nick was already peeling out of the parking lot.

She followed.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1325 Hrs, 2102 Wild Road

"So you had a lawn ornament stolen as well? A few days before the burglary?" Hunter winced and held the phone away from his ear as the voice on the other end grew loud. "Yes, sir, I realize that you're far more concerned with the stolen electronics, but this could be related- no, sir, I'm not at liberty to say how exactly, but you have a real nice day." He hung up as the voice grew even louder. "So that's seven out of ten burglaries where lawn ornaments were stolen shortly before."

"Stolen or confiscated?" said Carlos, who was listening intently- and filming discreetly. "I checked the HOA's rules on-line and they do prohibit the display of lawn ornaments."

"Yeah, but do the rules say they can break into your house if you break them?" said Hunter, sarcastically.

"Well, I don't know. But probably the suspect-"

"Buck with a truck. Don't tell anyone, but I find that funny as hell."

"The buck with the truck, then, works for the HOA."

Hunter nodded. "Meaning he has a plausible reason to be in people's yards- of course!"

"What?"

Hunter paused. "Didn't Wilde and Hopps just call out on traffic over the radio?"

"Hunter, this is really annoying!"

"Yeah, it's kind of a knack," said Hunter as he picked up the mike.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1326 Hrs, 6600 Herd Canyon Lane, Traffic Stop

"Look, I've explained it all to you," said the buck- George Stowland, according to his ID. "I work for the HOA, they have me roll around and confiscate any lawn ornaments in mammals' lawns."

Nick and Judy were both in the bed of the pick-up, inspecting the very disparate stack of lawn ornaments they had found. "Six pink flamingoes, four ceramic statuettes, a miniature windmill," muttered Judy.

Nick looked through the open rear window into the cab of the truck where Stowland sat. "In the middle of the night?"

The deer shrugged. "A lot of people don't even know the HOA rules. It's just easier to grab them and go without having to argue."

Nick's radio crackled. "Nick, it's Hunter."

Judy rolled her eyes. "Does he even know his unit numbers?"

"What's up, Hunter?" Nick answered.

"You stopped the buck with the truck?"

"Um, yeah?"

"He works for the HOA?"

Judy and Nick traded glances. "How did you figure that out?"

"Listen, Nick, that's likely just his day job- well, night job. Think about it- he can scope out a house, be in someone's yard, and if they do catch him he just trots out the HOA regulations. He's not stealing lawn ornaments, he's _casing_ potential targets."

Nick stared at the radio, then looked at the cab of the truck.

Stowland said he worked at night. It was early afternoon. So why was he in the neighborhood? Unless-

Nick leaned over and looked closer through the rear window of the truck's cab. In the back seat, partially hidden by some blankets, he caught a glimpse of a flat-screen television. He looked up, straight into the eyes of Stowland.

Stowland's eyes flicked between Nick and the partially exposed television. The buck whirled and cranked the engine.

"Judy! Get out of the truck!" shouted Nick.

"What?"

Before either could jump out, the truck accelerated, throwing them both off their feet.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1328 Hrs, Two blocks from Hopps's and Wilde's Traffic Stop

Hunter was driving fast towards the location of the traffic stop when he heard Nick's panicked voice over the air. 

"Suspect is fleeing! Northbound, 6600 Herd Canyon Lane-" there was a thumping noise and a break in the transmission- "left at Bearden Park!"

Hunter keyed his mike. "Nick, are you two in pursuit?"

There was a pause, then. "Uh, sort of."

Carlos and Hunter exchanged puzzled glances. "What do you mean, sort of?"

"We're still in the back of the truck he's fleeing in."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Bogo had stopped to talk to Clawhauser at the front desk, and now they both were staring at the radio.

"Just one quiet day," muttered Bogo. "All they needed to do was have one quiet day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I am not aware of this particular "cover" for a burglar casing targets, it's not unusual for them to have some sort of semi-plausible reason to be rolling around neighborhoods during the day. Though most of them lack creativity and tend to say they are just looking for a friend's house if stopped, some are actually pretty clever. And most burglaries of residences happen during the day, remember- they hit while you're at work or school, not when they expect you to be home like at night.


	5. Chapter 5

1329 Hrs, Vehicle Pursuit

The truck careened around a corner, tossing Nick and Judy to the other side. Nick yelped as he was poked by one of the wires that made up the "skeleton" of the flamingo.

Judy grasped the side of the truck. "This is bad."

Nick turned towards the still-open rear window of the truck. "Stop this truck now!" he shouted at Stowland.

The burglar just hunched his back and ignored him, whipping around another corner at high speed. Judy shouted their new location into her radio, then looked at Nick. "Did you think that would work?"

The fox shrugged. "Worth a try," he said. He looked at the window. "Think you could fit through there?"

"And do what, Nick? Even if I can overpower him, we'll definitely crash- and the bed of a pick-up is not the safest place to be."

"The way he's driving, he's going to crash anyway."

Both of them glanced back as they heard the sound of sirens, and then they caught the sight of flashing lights as a ZPD cruiser sped to catch up with them.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1330 Hrs, Vehicle Pursuit

Hunter keyed his mike. "Unit- unit, uh- dammit, this is Hunter, I've got visual on the suspect."

"Acknowledged, Unit Forty-four Charlie," responded Clawhauser, somewhat dryly emphasising Hunter's unit number. "We're vectoring in the helo, keep us informed of location."

"You got it, dispatch." Hunter tossed the mike to Carlos. "I'm going to need you to call out our location when I give it to you. I need both hands to drive." He swerved and fish-tailed as a car nosed out of a driveway in front of him. "See?"

Carlos clutched his seat, his eyes wide. "Can I go back into the trunk now?"

"You had your chance."  
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Judy, I need to tell you something," said Nick. They both braced as the truck drifted, tires squealing, around another turn.

"Is this really the time?" shouted Judy. 

"I wasn't really interested in that vixen," said Nick. "I was just trying to make you jealous."  
"What?" 

"I'm sorry, it was stupid. I just- I don't want whatever we have to end, and-"

"Nick, seriously?"

"We can take it slow, or fast, or however, but regardless, I want you to know-"

"Nick-"

The truck hit a bump and both animals flew into the air. Judy cried out as she struck the side of the pickup's bed and rolled off-

Only to find Nick grasping her arm. Somehow, the fox had managed to recover and hang onto her before she could fall.

He hauled her back into the truck. "I won't let you fall."

She hung on to him. "I know."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hunter's heart jumped into his mouth when the truck hit that speed bump and his two friends flew into the air. It settled slightly as he saw Nick pull Judy back into the bed of the truck. But now-

"Seriously, guys?" he muttered. "Is this really the time?"

"This is great!" enthused Carlos, his camera fixed on the truck.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Their radios activated again. "Nick, Judy, you there?"

Nick answered, bracing against another nausea-inducing swerve. "Go ahead, Hunter."

"Look, I can't PIT this guy, he's moving too fast. I need you to slow him down."

The fox looked around. "Oh, is that all? Maybe I could fashion a big drag chute out of my uniform."

Judy frowned, glancing at the contents of the truck bed. "Nick."

"Or maybe I can get up front and try to push? Or, ooh, rest my heels on the ground and act like a brake?"

"Nick!"

He looked at her. "What?"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"What are they doing?" asked Carlos.

"Something stupid," said Hunter.

"Should they be doing that, then?"

"If it's stupid and it works-"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"A little further," shouted Judy. Nick was holding onto her as she leaned over the side of the truck. 

"Judy, hurry, he could take a turn any minute!"

"Just a little further- there!" She shoved the pink flamingo she was holding into the wheel well. 

The fast-spinning tire caught the wire frame and yanked it from her paws.

What happened next occurred so fast that Judy only noticed part of it.

First, the flamingo was yanked under and around the tire, which pulverized the plastic parts of the lawn ornament in mere milliseconds.

Then, the thick wire skeleton of the ornament exposed, it, too, was ripped apart into lots of metal pieces. Very sharp metal pieces.

The tire blew out as wire fragments pierced the sidewalls.

The truck yawed and spun, leaning dangerously to one side as the high center of gravity started to roll it over.

That was the part Judy noticed.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1333 Hrs, Vehicle Pursuit

"Oh, boy," muttered Hunter as the truck yawed back and forth across several lanes. Thankfully, Judy was thrown back into the bed with one of the yaws. He saw it begin to tip, the right two tires leaving the pavement, and reacted instantly. "Hang on!"

He accelerated, bringing the patrol car up next to the tipping vehicle. There was a screech as the side of the truck hit the patrol car. Hunter fought with the steering wheel, forcing the patrol car to the right, further into the truck.

The truck fell back onto the pavement, and then swerved right again. It flew off the road and by pure good luck, straight into a sodden field. It bounced and jounced twice, before finally sinking into the mud, the tires spinning fruitlessly.

Hunter was already out of the patrol car, dashing towards the vehicle.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Judy and Nick sat up, woozily. "What just happened?" said Nick, holding his head.

Hunter's face popped up over the side of the truck. "Are you two okay?" They noticed the capybara camera-mammal behind him. Carlos hopped up onto the truck and gave them a little wave.

Nick looked at Judy, who nodded. "Just a bit shaken, Zach."

Hunter rushed to the driver's door.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yanking the door open, Hunter shouted, "Police! Don't mo-"

He had time to realize that he was facing, for some reason, the hindquarters of a fairly large deer, but not enough time to remember that hoofed mammals generally face away from their enemies to attack.

A powerful kick from the deer's hind leg threw him to the ground. He hit the ground, breath knocked out of him.

Stowland, eyes panicked, hurriedly backed out of the driver's seat. He held a crowbar- _burglary tool,_ the part of Hunter's mind that catalogued evidence noted- in one forepaw and brought it up as the human struggled to breathe.

"Hey, you!" shouted a voice from above. Stowland looked up.

Into the face of Carlos the capybara. "You're about to be famous," said the capybara sitting on the roof of the truck. He then threw the ceramic owl he was holding onto the buck's head.  
The deer collapsed into a heap.

Hunter struggled to his feet, looked at the unconscious deer, then at the capybara. "You know, I thought you guys weren't supposed to get involved directly."

Carlos grinned at him. "Sometimes, you have to create your own drama."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

1401 Hrs, Vehicle Pursuit, 22200 Old Mill Lane

"So I was right."

Hunter looked at Nick. "About what?"

"You know what," said Nick smugly. "Oh, it's just a bunch of lawn ornaments, you said. A waste of time, you said."

"Okay, okay, so you got lucky-"

"And caught a serial burglar, Hunter. Don't forget that part."

Hunter cocked an eye at him. "Oh, really? Because to me, it looked like the burglar caught you."

Nick hesitated. "Well-"

"I knew it was going to be different, but I never imagined that in Zootopia PD, burglars catch cops."

"We caught him, that's the important part!" said Nick.

"Hey, Hunter, anything you want to say for the cameras before we wrap up?" Carlos had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Hunter looked at him.

"Sure." He waited a moment while Carlos settled himself. "What we had here was a very significant case, where the quick thinking of my colleague-" he gestured to Nick "-revealed that even the smallest, least important clue can be the right one." Nick grinned and adjusted his sunglasses.

"And while some may say that getting caught in the bed of a suspect's pickup as he flees is, what's the word- starts with a 'U'-" 

"Unfortunate," said Nick firmly.

"Utterly ridiculous, the end result was that we caught the bad guy.

"And in conclusion, I can sum up the case thusly. We caught the buck by getting his truck stuck in the muck." He spotted Stowland, being led away by two other officers, with a large lump on his head. "And he should have learned how to duck."

Stowland glared at him. "You really suck."

"Your timing was perfect," Hunter told him. He grinned broadly. "You know, it's times like this that I really love this job."


	6. Chapter 6

"You know, it's times like this that I really hate this job," said Bogo sourly.

The headline of the paper read DRAMATIC ZPD CHASE. Underneath, in slightly smaller type: WILDE AND HOPPS DO IT AGAIN.

Besides the paper, there was another annoyance- well, two annoyances- in his office. Wendy Willow and Claudia de Ville both glared at him. "So what are you going to do about this?" demanded Willow.

"I shall probably not assign you to ride with either Hopps or Wilde again," replied Bogo.

"And?" said de Ville after a moment.

"And...you're welcome?"

"What?"

Bogo pointed at them. "It's any officer's right to decide whether to continue riding with a ridealong- we're not going to override their judgment for any reason, whether it be that they decided to drop you off for safety reasons or because you were distracting or throwing off their judgment. All they had to do was drop you off in a safe place, which they did." Possibly by accident in Hopps's case, Bogo didn't say. "I will speak with them regarding appropriate procedures for doing so in the future, but I will not punish them for doing something legal and within policy."

Both reporters glared at him. "We lost out on some incredible footage!" said Willow, pointing at the newspaper.

"Which you would have done anyway, since they were unlikely to have let you up in that truck bed with them. And your colleague still was able to get good video." Bogo leaned back. "Speaking of which, I wanted to speak with you regarding some of that video you recorded, which I reviewed. Specifically, the parts where it was clear you had recorded conversations intended to be private."

Willow and de Ville looked wary, exchanged looks. "I don't know what you mean," said Willow carefully.

"Oh, I think you do."

"It's good entertainment," said de Ville. "And you can't stop us from broadcasting it!"

Bogo grimaced. "It's not me that you need to worry about, Mrs. De Ville."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Judy sat with Nick in a small, out of the way coffee shop. They were alone- it was late in the evening, and most of the regular customers came by during morning or lunch. 

"I'm still not happy with you," said Judy quietly.

"I don't blame you," replied Nick, also quietly.

"Are you angry with me?"

Nick looked up, surprised. "Why would I be?"

"Because I made a decision that involved both of us and just told you what it was, without giving you a say. Because it was a decision to not make a decision, and it wasn't fair to you to not make it."

The fox considered this. "It's still your decision."

"But it involves your life as well as mine. You should at least hear my reasoning, and have a chance to talk to me about it." Judy sipped her coffee, her eyes watching Nick. "Just like-"

"Just like I should have talked to you about this, instead of trying a clever plan to make a point," said Nick.

"Yes. And so long as we both understand that we should really talk about these things in the future, I wanted to say something about your 'clever plan'."

Nick winced. "Oh?" he said, with forced nonchalance.

Judy reached across the table with a sudden lunge and yanked the fox by the lapels towards her. 

"It worked."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Two weeks later

Hunter walked into ZPD headquarters with a sense of imminent doom, though it wasn't even Monday.

This wasn't entirely unusual, Hunter reflected. When you've been a cop long enough, your doom-sense becomes hyper-developed, and some false positives are natural. On the other hand, a wise cop never completely ignores it.

It wasn't until he sat down in roll call and started hearing the snickers that he began to really worry, though.

Francine walked in, the elephant stepping carefully to avoid the other cops, then noticed Hunter. She grinned. "Hey, Hunter."

"Francine," said Hunter warily.

She sat down next to him and leaned over conspiratorially, which was something like having a building sidle up to you. "So there's this boy I like, and I'm not sure whether he likes me? So maybe you have some advice on that?"

Hunter looked up at her and frowned. "Um..."

"Hey, Hunter," said Delgato. "So I'm trying to think of what to get the wife for our anniversary, and I want something that really stands out-"

"Hey, Hunter," put in Wolferd. "What do you recommend to spice up things in the bedroom?"

Hunter blinked at them. "Okay, I'm missing the joke."

Hopps suddenly looked up, her ears flat along her back. Hunter started- he hadn't even seen her. "They aired the first episode of the reality show they filmed," she said. 

"That was fast."

"Reality shows have a quick turnaround, if they want to."

"I still don't understand."

"Well," said Francine. "Once we saw you giving advice to young Hopps and Wilde about their love life, we never realized that we had this treasure trove of relationship wisdom to draw on."  
Hunter stared at her. "Excuse me?"

"De Ville planted a microphone on Nick," said Hopps wearily. "And Carlos put one in the patrol car."

"So our conversations-" Hunter sat very still. "All on camera?"

"All broadcast on television," said Delgato happily. "They're calling you the Love Cop!" He struck a pose, hand out with the palm facing outward. "Stop! In the name of Love!"

Hunter rose as the laughter started. "I think I need to talk to the chief."

"Didn't you hear me?" yelled Delgato as he walked out. "In the name of Love I said!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hunter stood in front of Bogo, who watched him warily. No frown, not even a twitch could be seen on Hunter's expression. He was the very model of an objective, calm, and reasonable officer.

It was incredibly disturbing. "There's nothing I can do," said Bogo. "Everything you do on the job is considered public- there's no expectation of privacy."

Hunter nodded, very precisely. "Very well. I understand the ZRN people will be back soon?"

"Tomorrow," said the chief, slowly.

"I'd like Mrs. De Ville to be assigned to ride with me."

Bogo looked at him. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"On the contrary, sir, it's a very good idea." Hunter looked at the chief.

He drummed his fingers. "Nothing dangerous."

"Of course, not, sir."

To be honest, Bogo didn't like his officers' private lives put on display like that, either. And he still wasn't happy with how he had been spoken to by the two ZRN mammals. "Okay. But if she says no-"

"Why would she say no?" Hunter smiled. "Didn't I get Carlos some great footage? I promise, the video from our ridealong will be gold."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

De Ville sat quietly next to the tall human. At first she had been overjoyed to ride with Hunter- Carlos kept talking about what a great guy he was, and she had been green with envy at the footage he had gotten.

Her trepidation had started when she and Carlos were walking through ZPD headquarters and they first spotted Hunter.

"Hunter!" called Carlos. She frowned at the note of forced cheer in Carlos's voice, though it was somewhat subtle.

"Carlos," greeted Hunter. He looked down at the smaller mammal as he stopped in front of them. After a moment, he said, "You saved my life."

Carlos smiled weakly. "Yes?"

"So it's a wash." De Ville gave Carlos a confused look as he sighed in relief. Then Hunter looked at her.

"Mrs. De Ville."

"You can call me Claudia, all my friends do," she said, smiling winningly.

He smiled, too, and she had to stop from flinching back. "Well, let's get going, Mrs. De Ville, we've got a lot to do today."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It wasn't long before a call came over the air. "Unit Twenty Seven Charlie, anyone out there with a field test kit?"

Hunter keyed his mike. "Hunter here. On the way."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

They arrived and de Ville saw Hopps and the tiger- Delgato- standing by a patrol car. Next to them was a large bag with some sort of white powder. She immediately began filming- that looked like cocaine!

Hunter walked over and glanced at the powder. "Where'd you find it?"

"Anonymous tip," said Delgato. "Said there was a stash in a truck near here, probably a dead drop."

Hunter nodded. "Okay." He pulled a tube containing some liquid out of his pocket. He paused, noticing de Ville filming. "Come on closer, get a real good shot."

She moved closer obediently, getting a solid close up of the baggie. "That's a lot," she said.

"Yeah, an awful lot," replied Hunter, grimly.

He opened the bag and carefully inserted a toothpick, getting a small amount of the powder on it. He then put the powder in the plastic tube and swirled it. Almost immediately, the liquid turned green.

Hunter nodded. "That's it, then."

De Ville smiled. It wasn't a car chase, but a good drug seizure was pretty solid for the first hour. "It's cocaine?"

"Cocaine?" said Hunter in surprise. "No, weaponized Night Howler."

There was a long silence. "Weaponized-" she said faintly.

"Yeah, nasty stuff, a few particles and you go savage like that," said Delgato, snapping his fingers. "Lucky you got your shots, right?"

"Shots?" De Ville started to notice how fast her heart was beating. Was she feeling faint?

"Yeah, the vaccine." Hopps frowned. "Wait, they did give you the vaccine, right?"

"I, uh, no shots-"

The officers all exchanged worried looks. "She's been exposed," said Hunter grimly. "Dammit! I just assumed-"

"There's no time for that," snapped Hopps. "Mrs. De Ville, how are you feeling?"

How as she feeling? "A bit, uh, faint."

"Heart beating faster? I notice you're panting- shit, she's in stage one," said Hunter. He looked at Hopps. "Get the Night Howler gear."

"Gear?" asked de Ville. Yes, her heart was beating faster and faster- she could hear the blood rushing in her ears.

"Don't worry, ma'am, you may go a bit- uh, savage- but we'll get the antidote to you quickly." Hopps returned, carrying a series of straps and a muzzle. "But we need to restrain you- for your safety and ours."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

De Ville stared out of the trunk at the three officers silhouetted against the blue sky. "Is this really necessary?" she asked, her voice muffled through the muzzle.

"Can't be too careful," said Hunter.

The trunk lid closed with a slam.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"So that's the joke, then?" said Delgato. "I mean, it's funny and all, but-"

Hunter was getting something from his duty bag. He gave Delgato a flat look. "That was Stage One."

Hopps frowned. "What's Stage Two?"

Hunter held up the bag he had recovered. It contained a big bottle of fake blood and several realistic-looking fake body parts. "I convince her she had amnesia and spray this all over her body and scatter these body parts around."

Delgato and Hopps both gasped. "Isn't that a little cruel, Hunter?" said Hopps.

Hunter walked towards the car. "Yep." He got in and started the engine, looked at them again. "But hilarious."

The two other cops watched him drive off. 

"So, never cross Hunter," said Delgato.

"Never cross Hunter," agreed Hopps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that is a very cruel practical joke, and Hunter only gets away with it because he's a fictional character. See "Rule of Funny" and "Comedic Sociopathy" in TV Tropes for further exploration of this sort of thing in fiction. 
> 
> Full-length arc sequel will be coming soon (Hunter and Hunted), though of course it's already posted on FF.net. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
